Since February is like the love month and all, I wanted to repost an old piece about an album I love.
This is one of my most cherished albums and it’s safe to say that this album kinda saved my life. Not in a physical way like I was listening to this album on my iPod and the device acted as some barrier from a errant Final Destination projectile, but in a way where I knew I needed something to rely on in uncertain times.
“They call it falling in love because you’ll hit the ground”
After a sudden breakup with an incredible person I was certain was going to me my partner for life and weeks later having my sweet cat pass away in my arms, I found myself once again living alone, this time heartbroken with a overwhelming amount of unanswerable questions. Wanting to disappear, I fell desperately depressed and on the brink of following through with things that wouldn’t allow me to be here today. I didn’t know where to go and ask for help. It was unfamiliar to me and I was too stubborn to accept assistance anyways.
“There ain’t no use in crying. It doesn’t change anything, so baby, what good does it do?”
…Like Clockwork, the sixth album from Queens Of The Stone Age was released right as the weather was growing consistently sunnier and warm. Having a two-week vacation lined up with no plans in place besides wallowing in self-pity and seething in unchecked fury, I took to the trails. With some relatively easy hikes in the woods of central Massachusetts only a short car ride away, I laced my boots, put my iPod in my pocket, and started moving.
Over the course of those two weeks, I went on some sort of trail whether traversing a mountain, or on a bike path every day and …Like Clockwork was the only thing I listened to. It was the only constant to look forward to and it was the safest escape I could think of at the time. I didn’t realize how heavy that sentence was until I just now typed it.
Right, so as I was saying.
At first listen, …Like Clockwork is textbook QOTSA, hard hitting and hypnotic, and with a heated attack as dry as the desert from whence they came. Immediately relatable with songs like “Fairweather Friends” and “If I Had A Tail” soothed the harsher internal pain. Relief also came from scornfully cool “I Sat By The Ocean”, even if it kept digging at a place of hurt. The falsetto vocals and slithering bass groove ensured me something was at least happening.
Something else was becoming clear. Things more showing themselves to be mournful and vulnerable. Frontman Josh Homme was signing from a place I hadn’t heard from him before. Maybe, I simply hadn’t noticed. Tracks (and song titles) like “Kalopsia” (Greek for “the delusion of seeing things as more beautiful then they actually are”) were soul-bearing as it seemed as though Homme was perhaps going through a tumultuous time himself. …Like Clockwork would later be known as being the first album in a trilogy that would be followed with 2017’s Villains, and 2023’s In Times New Roman.., an album which followed Homme’s much-publicized split with musician Brody Dalle, as well as surviving cancer.
…Like Clockwork was Homme’s outlet that things weren’t going, well… like clockwork. It was relatable for me and that was comforting. I found myself for the first time truly focusing and contemplating the lyrics over this time period.
On “I Appear Missing”. Just before the chorus hits, Homme sings:
“I go missing. No longer exist. One day I hope I’m someone you’d met”
It’s blunt and sad, but I find it beautiful. If I were to leave, and there will be a day where I’m no longer here, I will be someone you had met. It’s simply a matter of hoping you remember me fondly. What can I say? I’m a born people-pleaser and these sorts of thoughts consume me. “I Appear Missing” is a masterful northern star I still return to, to rekindle those feelings of losing everything. A free fall, but now there’s a ripcord to pull and suddenly there is a sense of support.
…Like Clockwork was the impetus to accept that things don’t always go your way even though it is all you wanted (or dare I say, deserve). I was upset and hurt with how things were playing out, and that’s okay. However, I was directing this all on someone without taking personal responsibility for anything. I realized how depressed and anxious I was about just about everything around me. I wasn’t able to move on until I could begin to shed some toxic behaviors.
When I go on a hike and crest a summit now, I make sure to take a pause, soak in the view and appreciate what it took to get there. Taking deep meaningful breaths of fresh air until my skin tingles, I am grateful that I’m still here and I want to still be here for everyone who has loved me and continue to do so. Over the last few years, I made adjustments I never thought were possible that have allowed me to look back in appreciation for how much I’ve grown. That person in the relationship and I connected again through social media and became a long-distance friend. Sporadically, one of us will share favorite song to the other. She’s the coolest person I’ve ever met and I’m lucky to have those moments to fondly look back on. I’ve also made strides to be the best version of me that I can offer to my partner.
The release of …Like Clockwork signaled a new era for Queens Of The Stone Age. Bassist Michael Shuman rounded out the band at the end of the album’s recorded and the lineup hasn’t changed since. They’re truly one of the best live Rock acts going.
…Like Clockwork has continued to play a part of my personal soundtrack, accompanying me to complete several marathons and to help pass the time while I wait on a delayed subway car. Through the highs and the lows of my thirties to present day, this album was always, always there. So yeah, it did kinda save my life.
“With my toes on the edge, it’s such a lovely view. I never loved anything until I loved you.”
imeanttolisten.com 